Hellboy 2 Review

Hey, it was our anniversary weekend. We were child-free, so we saw a couple movies. Lay off!

I didn't hate the first Hellboy; I thought it was different and fun; so when I saw that this new one got an 84% on Rotten Tomatoes, I thought, "Wow! Better see it!" I left the theater feeling confused and insecure, wondering what the critics all saw in it that I missed.

The movie begins with a flashback to Hellboy's childhood, with his adoptive father, Professor Broom, reading him a bedtime story which sets the stage for the film's plot. It is illustrated with an imaginative animation sequence, but the child actor who plays Hellboy is atrocious. He must be somebody's kid or something, because he was painful to watch.

Returning to present day, Hellboy (played by Ron Perlman, who is really magnificent in this role) and Liz (Selma Blair), his pyrokinetic girlfriend, have moved in together and are now a bickering, tiresome couple. His unrequited pining for her in the first movie was much more fun to watch. Abe, the blue fish guy, is still around, and they are joined by a new character: Johann Krauss, a German ectoplasmic being who inhabits an old-school deep sea diving suit. He is assigned to keep tabs on Hellboy, so of course, friction ensues.

The villain is an elf-prince who wants to destroy humanity for destroying the world. (Yes, there's a strong environmental undercurrent. Am I the only one who's tired of being scolded when what I paid for was to be entertained?) He's actually pretty fun to watch. He's a very bouncy fighter with a cool, collapsible spear.

I just realized that at this rate, this review is going to take more time than I'm willing to give. Let's shift to ultra-condensed mode:

The movie is stuffed to the gills with fantastical creatures and scary beasties. But it fails to feel original, with several scenes looking as though they were copied straight out of Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. Guillermo del Toro's touch is apparent, with many of the creatures reminding me of Pan's Labyrinth. But visual impact is empty without equally strong storytelling. Marty put it best when he said, "By the time it was halfway through, I didn't care what happened anymore." The film was 2 hours long, but it felt like 3.

Del Toro is usually a master at weaving a good storyline, but this effort fell flat. Let's hope it's because he has "The Hobbit" on his plate, and he's putting his best efforts into it.

And who knows? Maybe we'd have liked it better if we hadn't just seen the best movie of the year the day before.